Over-enthusiasm and Marinating in Shame

"I got an email from a friend recently that said he was going to die in 2 months." The audience was silent, holding their breath. "My friend is going to get married to the love of his life." The audience breathed out a sigh of relief. The speaker goes on to tell us that there is a reason why marriage starts at an altar- it's sacrifice and death.

As a guy, you can no longer spend your money the way you want to spend it. You have to check with your girl first. The guys want to go out after work and you have to call your wife and ask for permission then wave the guys on. You'll be THAT guy. When you come home from work, you can't just sit on the couch and unwind. You have to talk to your woman and tell her how your day was. Then you have to ask her how HER day was and make sure you are listening with your face (making facial expressions), responding intelligently, and repeating back what she said on occasion. And you have to share your feelings and emotions with her because she wants to know. You can't watch the games every night on tv like your single buddies because some evenings you have to watch a chick-flick or period drama. It's death. It's sacrifice.

And, ladies, you are living with a sweaty, hairy beast who doesn't really care that he is in dirty clothes sitting on your bed. He struggles to understand you and how you work. He doesn't know why you are crying or what to do about the fact that you are crying and that really bothers you! He forgets to put stuff away and frequently leaves the toilet seat up!

The crowd is laughing hysterically by now. Most can relate. Even the unmarried are laughing. I was sitting and thinking that marriage isn't all THAT drastic. Directly in front of me is an Asian young adult furiously bobbing his head and fist-pumping every time the speaker says how awful marriage is and saying "Never get married! Don't do it!!!" Off to my right in front of me is a woman who is shouting "YEAH!", fist pumping, and making comments. After a specific comment about how marriage is so awful, she turns to me and practically shouts while mostly out of her chair, "THAT'S WHY I NEVER GOT MARRIED!!!!!" and then sat back down to continue laughing and fist-pumping and cheering. This is how you begin embarrassment. It's enjoyable and fun in the moment.

I've been around churches my whole life. I've listened to a lot of preachers. I have also taken a lot of speech classes. I know what's going to happen. The married speaker is not going to continue saying how awful and horrible and sacrificial marriage is... because he's married. So I laugh, but not out of control, because pretty soon that speaker is going to drop the funny illustration on its head and get serious. And then he does...

After I went into this detailed explanation with my friend about the sacrifices of marriage, he agreed and looked at me. He said, 'Yeah man- I know that. But.... she's so much better than all of that. It will be so worth it.' And I agreed that marriage is better.

I knew this was coming so when it happened I looked at all the boisterous singles that were so excited when he was talking about how bad marriage was and they were sitting in their seats quietly, not looking around. Not agreeing, not laughing, not turning around and making comments. Nothing. Cue the squirming while marinating in shame!!!

It made me laugh to realize how much I restrain myself during services. I LOOOVE when speakers use humor in their sermons. It's awesome. But I've been around church long enough to know every funny story has a point- a serious, non-laughable point. So I never laugh with abandon, I always laugh with caution. Some speakers say a funny story and then completely reprimand you for laughing "See you laughed at that- you know how it is to do that, don't you?" (My advice to young speakers- never do that to your audience. If they trust you and like you enough to laugh while you are speaking, go with it! Never use laughing against a crowd or they won't do it again.) I have been the awkward one waaaaay too many times in a service, the one that is way too enthusiastic during the funny story and then they changed directions on me. Yup- I marinated in shame one too many times to fall for it again.

What about you? Have you ever been the one who is too enthusiastic during a presentation or sermon? How'd that end for you? How do you recover from that type of obvious over-enthusiasm? Not laugh at all?

A Moment of Clarity

Have you ever had a moment where it all clicked for you? A moment where you realized what you were all about and why. I think I had a moment like that tonight. Since I was a teenager I knew that God had laid on my heart the orphans and those in bondage in the sex industry. Seemingly unrelated people groups, right? But... I also love to write. How in the world do these things go together?

Everyone plays a part in a bigger story. For me, I think a calling of mine may be to be a voice for those who have no voice or a weak one at that. God can use my writing to draw attention to the people who are being taken advantage of on a daily basis. The conclusion wasn't hard to come by, but putting all of my burdens together suddenly just clicked and it made sense to me.

I often do this on my blog here and talk about people and problems. It all falls under the "enlightening" category. But remember how I wanted to write a book and submit it? Well, I'm 3 chapters in to writing a story for kids which includes slavery in the plot. There is some thing that kids always need to remember and that some thing is that there is a world outside of their immediate scope that is filled with people who are in need. We can't be raising kids who are all about Justin Bieber and the Disney channel. Kids need to know that there is always someone who needs our help and we're never too young to make a difference. But we're all called to do different things. Some of us adopt children whether into our families or through supporting them through Compassion or World Vision. Others work in homeless shelters or food pantries. Others still are on the front line working to end the trafficking of children around the world. Some choose to doctor the sick where there are no other doctors or bring electricity to places there are none. Others provide water to the millions who have no clean water. The root of the work is human need. Endless amounts of need. We all have a way to help and we cannot sit idly by while others suffer through injustice.

You may be saying "Well, that's all good and well for you, but I can't do anything because..." or "They don't really need me." Guess what- you are wrong. There are millions upon millions of dollars made by slave owners because we are too lazy or comfortable in our little worlds to say or do anything. What if it was your child being beaten senseless after 16 hr work shifts? What if it was your daughter or mother being raped until they were unconscious? What if your brother or dad was tossed on street with nothing? Would you be silent? Would you do nothing? No chance. Why? Because it's too close to home to do nothing. So here's the key- you treat others as you would have them treat you. Would you want someone to stand up for your freedom if you were enslaved? Would you want someone to take you in out of the cold if you were homeless and starving? Would you want someone to bring you purified drinking water? Make it personal. The longer you hold these people at arm's length, the less your life counts for eternity. Gone are the days of comfortable Christianity. The time to act is now. The orphan, the poor, the widow, the fatherless, the child slaves, the indentured servants, the prostitutes and pimps, the sex slaves, the sick, the dying, the brokenhearted, the autistic. You name it- they need you. I want my life to be characterized by action. I want to always act on the needs I see around me because Jesus would.

What's your mission in life? Who will you be a voice for or defend? How are you reaching into the darkness and bringing light to the hopeless? Leave a comment for me- I'd love to know.

To the Poor, the Orphan, the Widow, and the Fatherless

To the Poor, the Orphan, the Widow, and the Fatherless:

I want to say I am so so sorry for how I may have overlooked you and your needs in the past. I am sorry that I never truly have taken James 1:27 to heart: "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." I am sorry that I may have been among a group of Jesus-followers who turned away from you when you needed someone the most. I am sorry that it has taken losing my own father to open my eyes to the abuse and injustice you suffer from the hands of people who claim to love Jesus. It is time for someone to speak up louder for this group and not be silent about the hurt and pain often heaped on the helpless on top of their other struggles.

Tonight I am very angry for you. I am angry that you orphans get shoved around from house to house and don't get scooped up and embraced by a family who truly loves Jesus and can show you Christ. I am outraged that you fatherless have to worry on a daily basis if your mom is going to be okay because her employer won't give her a raise despite her undeniable qualifications for a raise because he thinks it would unfair to provide her with a salary she might actually might be able to survive on (hello-she lost the main breadwinner in her life- BAD NEWS- if you can't provide for your employees a fair wage- the Bible has other bad things to say about you and trust me- you don't want to pay those eternal consequences.) I am angry that you widows who spend your whole life serving others and dedicating your life to God's service get turned away by some believers in a time of greatest need and insecurity for some of your most basic needs and often a ministry for you is almost on the periphery in some churches. This is not justice- it is abuse. This is not caring- it's disgusting and outrageous.

But I have great news. God is for us and is on our side. He's the defender of the weak, poor, fatherless, and widow. He stands watch over you like no other. You have a special place in His heart. He cries with you and collects your tears in a bottle. He holds you close and hushes your sobs and fears. He is next to you in the loneliness of the night and protects you while you sleep. He is a father to you and loves to talk anytime. He is a great listener who never gives bad advice or leads you into trouble. He brings harsh judgment on those who harm you or take advantage of you. So never mind those who ignore you, hurt you, are unjust and unkind to you. Their repayment will be from your Defender and their reward will be justice for you. Take heart, although it can feel like we lose sometimes in life... we win in eternity where it counts most.

Friends, how dare we call ourselves followers of Christ when we let the most needy slip through the cracks while we sit on our cushions of prosperity and pretend that their needs are someone else's problem. Or even worse- we assume that everything is just fine and they have no needs. I am ashamed of the times I have perched myself on that cushion self-righteously. The Bible has harsh words for this- "Woe to you Pharisees, because you give God a tenth... but you neglect justice and the love of God." Luke 11:42

There is hope, however. We have a command "to act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with [our] God." (Micah 6:8) Guess what- "This is what the LORD says: Do what is just and right. Rescue from the hand of the oppressor the one who has been robbed. Do no wrong or violence to the foreigner, the fatherless or the widow.." (Jer 22:3) The words and message are clear. What we don't need is for people to read this and come away feeling sorry for anyone and not acting on it. All I plead for is that justice become a bigger part of our worship, that we finally stand up for the helpless and do something about the needy and neglected. I want that for myself most of all. Why should you have to become an orphan, widow, or fatherless before you understand and act?

One of the worship leaders from my church, Christy Nockels, said this,

I realized more than ever that night that I want my children to "get it." I want them to understand that you can't have worship without love and justice. Our songs must have hands and feet, and they must go into the darkest places of the world. The distractions that our children are exposed to in this country and their desensitized minds and hearts became like a heavy brick on my heart. My prayer is that God will allow my children to see with His eyes and love with His hands in their lifetime...that they might "stand firm in the truth and set their hearts above". How can we show them most effectively that it's "by our love" that we are set apart and "by our love" that we show Jesus to the world.

Trying Just A Little Harder

When at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Our puppy does a great job with this concept. I've decided to try my hand at trying a little harder. I feel like I work pretty hard. Like most women, I work all day and then come home in the evening and work some more. But I'm going to try harder.

Jack has been getting on this health kick as I've mentioned before. He's asking for more fresh fruits and vegetables instead of the frozen ones I usually make for dinner. I've tried buying him raw celery or carrots but they sit in the refrigerator til they get old and I end up throwing them out. This time I'm going all in. I currently have fresh lettuce, asparagus, broccoli, kale and green beans in my refrigerator. I also have strawberries and clementines in a fairly large quantity. I usually buy these items, just in smaller quantities. The change? I made Jack promise that he'd eat it. Not just any promise though- more of a commitment promise than just a regular old promise.

In addition to this fresh fruit and veg kick he's on, he's also on a kick for not eating out as much. Darn. Guess I'll have to start cooking on weekends. It had to come sometime, right? So I came up with this ridiculous idea which easily qualifies me for the "Superwoman" and "Virtuous Woman of the Year" titles. You ready? I'm going to prepare the week's menu in advance, make some of the meals ahead of time on the weekend, and defrost them for lunches. I was pretty happy with my previous system of figuring out meals the day of, but there's always room to try harder to keep Jack and I eating healthy and spending less money, right? (Thanks, P90X and Dave Ramsey.) We are always making changes to become the best versions of ourselves that we can be. (That's why I closed up my pretzel crisps bag a few seconds before I wrote that sentence.) So on my calendar, I now have lunch ideas and the dinner plan. Sigh. I have crossed over to the dark side- the way of planning ahead. I was so sure I could prove to my mom that it was possible to live happily without a weekly meal plan. How does it feel watching my slow demise? Just kidding. Trust me- no one is more pleasantly surprised than Jack. When I mentioned to him my idea of doing that for lunches, he said he thought it was a good idea and many hours later brought it up again to reaffirm how much he liked the idea. Of course if you know men, you know that if they bring a topic up again after actually spending some time thinking about it and after listening to you, they must really like the idea. Or maybe that's just how Jack is. Hm.

In an effort to continue my momentum of my new idea, I woke up this morning (Sunday) and decided to make breakfast for Jack before he woke up so he wouldn't eat cereal. I have this hardcore belief that you shouldn't eat cereal for breakfast on the weekends. If you have time to make actual food for breakfast, you should. So I made him French Toast and turkey bacon coupled with some strawberries and a glass of grapefruit juice. Then I took him breakfast in bed. After I cleaned up breakfast, I started on getting lunch ready. We had roast, potatoes, and steamed fresh green beans. When we sat down for lunch, Jack looked at me amazed and said, "Wow... I am really really impressed. You're like a real cook now." Sometimes I just laugh at the things that come flying out of his mouth before he thinks about what he said. So I asked, "I wasn't before?" Astutely, he realized the trap and froze with wide eyes and stuttered out something like "It was supposed to be a compliment."

Ah hahaha! Look what trying harder has gotten me, folks. I'm officially a real cook. You can achieve that title or one of greater value if only you plan ahead and make roast for Sunday lunch. Yes- it's that easy. Almost 2 years into marriage and I'm finally getting the equivalent of a Girl Scout badge for cooking. Wonders never cease. You never know what you can accomplish if only you try a little bit harder.

What title will you start trying for? What would you do a little better if you knew it'd really impress the person/people you live with?

Things Not to Say to a Stay-At-Home Mom

Saw this on a picture on Facebook. Thought I'd share. Doesn't this make you cringe? Moms are some of the hardest working people you'll ever meet- stay-at-home or not.

10 Things Never to Say to a Stay at Home Mom

1. When the kids are older, do you think you’ll get a real job?
2. How June Cleaver of you!
3. Oh, so you don’t work?
4. Since you have extra time on your hands, could you whip up a few dozen brownies for the bake sale tomorrow?
5. All day with your kids? I can’t even imagine.
6. I’m jealous. I wish my husband were rich so I wouldn’t have to work either.
7. What do you do all day, anyway?
8. I’m sure you’re not the only one who’s ever wasted money on a college degree.
9. That explains why your son is so clingy!
10. Weird, I assumed your house would be super-clean.

Ski Slang

We did some skiing this weekend and found out some new terms. Thought I'd share.

Snow Devil or more commonly called- the Faceplant:

http://au.sports.yahoo.com/banzai/snow/feature/-/10118777/commercial-vs-club-field-where-should-you-ski/

Tray Racers:

http://michaelscotthardy.blogspot.com/2010/09/snowboarding-dream.html

Pow Cloud:

http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2010/12/let_it_snow.html

My favorite, the Yard Sale:

http://bradrants.com/blog/skiing-park-city-utah/

Just Plane Observations

Jack and I had the lovely privilege of visiting my brother this past weekend in Colorado. By now, you must know I enjoy traveling. I find people-watching irresistible in the airport like so many. I made some interesting observations this time around.

First of all, if you are my friend on Facebook, you'll have seen my observation of

After sitting in the airport for a while, I have to wonder if any girls under 25 wear actual pants anymore. Lost art?

To this my twin hilariously replied that she is indeed an artist. However, I honestly don't think I saw one girl my age wearing structured pants. They all seemed to be wearing sweatpants or leggings. The fashion police seriously need to be called in here. Ladies, you can look adorable, fashionable, and be comfortable without leggings- I promise. We don't need to be the generation clad only in spandex leggings and Underarmor clothing in public.

Have you noticed that certain types of older women are unbelievably demanding? For example, one lady parked her stuff in Jack's seat on the aisle, then went to the bathroom on the plane while everyone else loaded up. By the time she came back, we were sitting in our seats with only the window seat in our row open. Then she said in a very offended loud voice, "Excuse me. I'd like to sit in the seat I paid for." Jack kindly checked his ticket and said, "This is my seat." She loudly groaned and (laughably) asked my 6'4" husband if he'd like to sit by the window instead, to which he politely declined. She began to stress out as if so inconvenienced that she didn't get the seat she wanted even though she didn't pay for it. A short man behind us quickly offered to switch with her. Turns out he liked window seats better anyway. She begged slightly and then said a curt thank you and didn't mention it again to the man. You know those kinds of passengers. The ones who are huffing when the doors don't open right away or when the air hostess doesn't have their favorite kind of vegetable juice available. It was funny though. She only made a fool of herself. Note to self- don't be that person! Ever.

Thank goodness for IPods to keep you entertained, right? Have you ever gotten that slight feeling of panic when you realize you've downloaded only the instrumental version to your favorite song? How could this have happened?!? You can't possibly listen to the song now! No one is singing! I confess- despite the fact that I may know all the words...I would still rather sing along to the track with lyrics and avoid the instrumental version altogether.

Despite what you think, it's not all that embarrassing to get called out on an airplane PA system. We had just started our descent into Colorado when, out of nowhere, my nose started bleeding profusely. Random!! The stewardesses had already collected all trash so napkins were not available and I wasn't carrying any tissues. When we landed and were taxiing I pushed the help button. DING! Boy is that sound loud! A few seconds went by. Then the PA system came on "Will the passenger who pushed the call button please press it again only if it's an emergency?" Passengers turned to stare. I glanced at Jack holding my nose tightly "Eh bloody nnnose counnnts as annn emergennnncy right? Blood isnnn't very sannnitary." I deemed that it did indeed count as an emergency and I pressed the button again. She hurriedly came to my aisle and asked what I needed. I told her my nose was bleeding and I needed tissues. She ran to the back and upon returning practically threw the tissues into my lap. Ahhh... thank goodness! Well, that wasn't all that bad. At least the plane was still dark when it happened! For future reference, the time to have a minor emergency is when it's dark.

A Disproportionate Love

Last weekend, Jack and I went to test drive a vehicle that he would like to buy in the near future. He drove it while I sat shotgun. Afterwards he asked me how I liked it and I thought it was okay, but in my mind it was missing that special something that made me love it. I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was missing. Then I realized how truly disproportionate my love for sunroofs in cars is. I wasn't completely sold on the truck because it didn't have a sunroof. How retarded, right? Driving a car with a sunroof definitely helps me have an awesome day. I don't know why. In my humble opinion if the vehicle doesn't have a sunroof, it's only a shadow of what it could be.

See that car? That's one of the greatest cars ever- a Mazda MX6. It's great NOT because it was a fancy car or because it had gadgets, but because it had a sunroof, a good radio, and was manual (stick-shift). Maybe I'm biased because I learned how to drive in that car and obtained my first breath of freedom in that car. But more likely, it's because it had a sunroof, good radio, and was manual.

I am not sure that Jack realizes the extent of my love for sunroofs. I'm driving what he considers a very inadequate vehicle right now, but I love it... and it may or may not have a sunroof. He could give me a 1991 Mazda MX6 manual with a sunroof and I'd be one happy girl, but he doesn't know that. So I'm going to keep that our little secret. Maybe I'll eventually get something dependable.. with a sunroof. You won't catch me frowning in that vehicle (unless I'm broken down on the side of the road or out of gas.) Even that will be temporary because I could just enjoy the day with my sunroof open until my rescuer comes to rescue me. If you're thinking this through, just know that a rainy day with a broken down car is just a bad day all around.

What's your favorite feature on a car? What vehicle would you purchase just because it had a certain feature?

The Keeper of All Things

"Mom! Do you know where my phone cord went?"

I used to be a master in the art of misplacing things. To my husband's utter dismay, that often includes my clutch still now, but I've always found it! Go me! Nevertheless, if I was at home in Chicago, my mom knew where it was. Under the couch. In the closet. In the garage. Under the bed. In my drawers. I always thought it was a Mom thing and something that happened naturally when you have children. But I was wrong.

Despite the fact that I misplace things, I have not misplaced many things since having my own home. Jack is the one who misplaces things. Last night he couldn't find his earphones or a calculator.

Jack: "Babe, do you know where my earphones are? They used to be on my desk and they aren't anymore."
Me: "Nope, I haven't moved them from your desk. So if they aren't on your desk, you moved them."
Jack: "You were cleaning the desk last though. You must know where they are."
Me: "I cleaned but I left your earphones on your desk."
Jack: "I can't find them. Can you help me find them?"

So Jack opened a few doors and ruffled a few papers and sat down in defeat, frustrated that he couldn't find his earphones. I opened a few doors and ruffled a few papers around and then looked in his backpack. He frequently doesn't unpack unless I do it for him. So I looked in his backpack and found it. Then! He lost his calculator. This time he only ruffled a few papers and then was halfway through writing an email to his mum to replace it. When... guess what... I found it in the same place as the last one.

So here's what I've discovered. It's a woman thing for the most part. If Jack needs to know where something is, I know where it is or where it will be. I amaze myself sometimes at when and how I find things. It especially works if you keep things in the same place every time. So here's my salute to all you Keepers of All Things. Keep on keeping. Someday when you lose your mind, they'll be there to help you find things. It's the circle of life.

A Day In the Life of a Disney Character...

If you could be one old-school Disney character, who would it be? You've got a huge list of options. I honestly fought between a few characters like Lady from Lady and the Tramp and Aurora from Sleeping Beauty. These full length featured films captured my full attention and imagination as a child and would have me cringing in fear one moment and dancing to "Tale As Old Time" by the end. I have to hand it to Disney, to me, their movies were- for lack of a better word- absolutely magical.

Photo credit belongs to Disney (do you wonder where ^^ these kids are now?)

If you would've asked me a few years ago who I would've picked, my answer probably would've been slightly different. But I think I would have to be Mary Poppins. Am I crazy? Let's consider the options.

1. While flying through the air with the greatest of ease, I would never be immodest despite flying in a dress nor would I lose any article of clothing such as, but not limited, to my fashionable flower-ladened hat. And every hair would remain perfectly in place. Always.

2. I could carry anything I wanted in my bag and it would appear to anyone searching through it to be completely empty. Hello airports, here I come with no checked luggage fees. And this time you won't be able to take away my British Fanta! HA!

3. I could snap, point, and clap and the house would happily clean itself up. Because when you SNAP, the job becomes a game. Let's be real here, this gift is a pretty massive perk.

4. I could sit on a cloud above London, read notes from needy children that floated up through chimneys, and then magically appear at their house to make their wish come true.

5. I would be able to jump into any picture at any time and be in that moment. I so desperately want to be able to do this. The background of the blog, for example, is something I want to jump into. Just to observe in complete serenity. And let's not forget meeting Dick Van Dyke in that picture. 'Nuff said.

6. Last but not least, I would be "practically perfect in every way." Please refer to the picture above and try to tell me that she looks bad with chimney dust all over her face. Come on!

Truth is, I am a HUGE Julie Andrews fan. The woman is a legend beyond legends. She starred in so many roles in movies (or maybe just 2) that just made my imagination come alive and my heart burst with song. Every time I get to the top of a hill I want to burst out with "THE HILLS ARE ALIVE.... with the sound of music." Quite frankly when I do burst into song, I'm disappointed I don't sound like her.

Why can't I watch Mary Poppins on Broadway? No Julie Andrews. Why was I disappointed at Disney as a kid? The Mary Poppins I saw wasn't Julie Andrews. Why did I watch Princess Diaries many times over despite the predictable story line and unattractive male actors? Julie Andrews. Why was I upset when I found out that Captain Von Trapp in real life was having an affair with Liesl? Because I felt slighted for Julie Andrews- she really should've fallen in love with Captain Von Trapp in real life. (sigh) You know, as a kid, I couldn't wrap my mind around why no one made Julie Andrews the queen of Britain. She was dignified, proper, totally awesome, and gorgeous. Who wouldn't want that from a queen? I would. If she started up her own country and made herself queen, I would seriously consider moving to that country ASAP, even if it was just me and her.

Anyway, so what Disney character would you be and why?

Worst Anniversary Gifts Ever

This is hilarious. Although I'm sure I would be so mad if it happened to me.

Share the Money Info

A week ago, Jack and I began Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University offered by my work. I'd love to say that it's transformed our money habits in two weeks, but... it hasn't yet. The class is more of a preventative measure than anything right now which is very good because we're not too far into this marriage thing and the last thing we want is a lot of debt. We want to learn how to spend, give, and save smartly.

Dave talks a lot about the nerd (the saver/budgeter) and the free spirit (the spender/impulse buyer.) I am happy to report that both Jack and I are pretty evenly a combination of nerd and free spirit. (My in-laws are falling out of the chairs with surprise.) Yes it's true. I want to claim some responsibility for making Jack into somewhat of a money-conscious man even though he would never agree that I have. He said that marriage and being the husband has made him that way. Well, he wouldn't be a husband without me so... I still claim that I had something to do with it. I've had a job and been saving money since 16 and wasn't really free with spending it. So Jack's had a very large part in teaching me to balance my nerd with a little free spirit.

One of the main points of the class so far is that both people in the relationship should be involved in the handling of the money. Or if you are single, get a budget and then find someone who will be brutally honest about where you need to cut spending, etc. Accountability is the key. Since my dad died, I have found an unbelievable amount of married couples my parents' age who leave the finances to one person. My boss, for example, is the only one who does any online banking or paying of bills. His wife knows pretty much nothing about his credit cards or investments. It's an old-fashioned way of doing it, and really is not smart anymore with all the online banking.

From personal experience, I cannot stress it enough- ALWAYS DO YOUR FINANCES TOGETHER. My dad did it all and not only was the week of Dec 5th hard for all of us but then we had to get access to online accounts that we didn't know passwords to and we had to teach Mom online banking and everything that includes. This is not something that you want to put your family through. Write your passwords down in a secure book. Go over the budget and banking once a month with your spouse or kids or a family member who is on your will. Don't assume that you will have time to get your money matters in order before you leave this earth. You may not have the opportunity to tell someone your passwords on your deathbed. You just can't take that chance, because life is short.

When I talked to some people and told them about the difficulties of learning online banking and budgeting later in life, they just stared at me blankly and said "Oh that must be hard." If they were thinking in their heads that they are fine and the money handler will always be around, they can think again. So if you're the one who is only semi-interested in the finances and paying the bills, you've got your work cut out for you. Get access to your accounts online. Make sure you can see your credit card statements. Make a schedule for when bills need to be paid or when they are direct debited from your account. The more you learn now, the less you have to learn later. Trust me, reducing stress is always worth it.